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Here's a #veryshortstories to start with: "When they announced free counselling for everyone for any issues at the office, I was very hopeful. I have been really wanting to talk to someone for a while, but never knew how to find someone I can trust. I passed by the counsellor's office for many weeks, contemplated knocking on that door. Sometimes, I almost did, but every time my hand went up a voice in my head would say "What if they don't understand? What if my manager or team got to know?", and I would walk away. But today was different. I really felt the need to talk after the incidents of last week, where my makeup kit fell out of my bag as the whole team looked on. I thought I was quick to cover it up by saying my sister must have put this in my bag, and laughed it off. But I have this strange feeling where I feel I am being watched closely. I'm cautious of the way I walk, talk and dress - but why are these people still staring at me? Do they suspect anything? So, I risked it. As I slowly open up to my counsellor, I start feeling that they are not getting me. "I am gay," I clarify, assuming that as counsellors they would be OK, but they freeze. "Why do you feel the need to bring that sort of behaviour to office? Don't you think that's calling for it?:" I leave as soon as I can - I cannot trust them, and cannot work here anymore." When organisations institute counselling support, there is still a need for ensuring that they are capable, and that their partners can really support all their employees. Watch this Diversity Dialogue to undertand how an EAP provider can partner with an organization in building inclusion. #inclusion #lgbtiqa #mentalhealth #diversitydialogues now that the academic year has restarted in right earnest, as classmates get back into their groups, many are discovering that in the few weeks that people have been away, somehow, quite magically, so many have coupled up. People suddenly have boyfriends and girlfriends, or are seeing someone though they haven’t labelled anything yet or are just chatting.
If you are one of those that didn’t get coupled up, and haven’t yet for a few years though everyone is coupled up around you, h probably have mixed-up feelings about it. Your best friend barely has time for you, and when you do meet up, all you get to hear is about the lover and no real interest in your part of the story. Even if you say you got into your dream college, you might get a “That’s so great! I am so happy for you!” before segueing back into talking about the special someone. You look around and you notice everyone around seems to be interested only in hanging out with their sweethearts, and when you get invited or tag along anyway, you get quite conscious of being the third-wheel that it gets tiresome. Sometimes, you even have fights with your BFF over how little your friendship seems to means now, and you say hurtful things like ‘Did you ever even like me? Was I just a stopgap till you found someone?’ There are cycles of feeling upset, fighting, crying, making up, and again feeling distant. You are good for about two days before it is back to the same old pattern. It is a mess. Being single never feels as much of an issue as it is when surrounded by coupled up people. While for most, it is a mere annoyance and a change in social circumstances that need some adjusting to, for some, it can become really, really painful as they tell themselves that they have somehow got left behind, that they ought to have been coupled up as well and that they now are not good enough. Meeting someone and becoming a couple gets treated as if it is a race, or a competitive exam and not being paired up becomes a social nightmare. There is an urgency to then meet someone, and more often than not, the urgency leads to less than great choices, and that leads to cycles of its own misery, including breakups and patchups, neither because you really want the person, but because “something is better than nothing.” If you really question that idea, you’d probably hear a more rational voice saying something is definitely not better than nothing when it comes to these matters. Being by yourself is not nothing, and just being coupled up is not something special and can even be something horrible. What we need is to respect that if people are coupling up, that’s fine – we each have our own life paths. It is not a race. As published in: http://www.newindianexpress.com/cities/bengaluru/2017/sep/02/when-everyone-else-has-found-love-but-you-havent-1651285--2.html Happy anniversary, InnerSight!
This week, InnerSight is six years old, based on its official registration. The last year saw us consolidate and grow, and we are glad that the growth is in terms of our conviction in our ethical practice of counseling, and our ability to bring those principles into all the other related work we do such as our corporate work, our diversity and inclusion work and work we do with communities and educational spaces. We are especially glad for all our counselors across Bangalore, Hyderabad, Chennai, Delhi, Kolkata and hopefully, soon in other places too, who share our goal of Affordable and Affirmative Counselling. Thank you to all our clients, friends and partners for this wonderful journey. You give us the strength in our conviction. #HappyAnniversary |
InnerSight BloggersAjanta, Mahesh and other InnerSight counsellors and guest contributors are happy to share their thoughts here. Categories
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