Is happily Ever-After Really a Good Story?

Every fairy tale ends with a happy ever-after message, and in reality, we know that no such thing exists or is possible, or is even desirable. There will always be nature that does something - the flowers wilt, summer gets over, school reopens. Life and death continue their cycles. 

Making ourselves believe that we should just not heed any such event, and try really hard to satisfy the social pressures to be happy, always and as much as you can, is only doing ourselves a disservice.  Sadness associated with losses, either through natural causes or due to errors of judgement, or due to competitive losses, can help us develop better judgement, prepare for future events and motivate us.  

"One of the primary reasons we have emotions in the first place is to help us evaluate our experiences."  - Adler

We were given all these emotions because they do give us a real advantage. Being sad over having lost the 100m dash can help us know ourselves better - maybe we will get faster, maybe we will change our sport, maybe next time we'd sit in the rafters and cheer a friend, but we will get through it and learn from it.

Instead of trying to avoid or ignore sadness, a healthier alternative would be to:

• Accept that it is a normal reaction to events
• Allow yourself to experience the sadness. Express it as you will, including tears, time to brood over it, paint etc
• Think about it. Develop an understanding of what is hurting you.
• Recognize that this emotion is a signal, and a phase. It is temporary and there will be other experiences, other feelings soon enough.
• Be open to other experiences. Avoid punishing yourself with negative thoughts like, "I don't deserve better," or "I shouldn't be happy."

Of course, sometimes, there might be a deeper depression that needs help, but not all sadness is depression.

Going through the temporary and event-driven sadness, as and when they occur,  can be a life-enriching experience, if only we let it. The way to feel better is often through the sadness when it comes, and not around it or to just avoid it.