Languages of Love

Ever had the feeling that you are trying to show as much love as you can but that the object of your affection just doesn't seem to see it at all? Or worse, they still say that you are not really loving at all? It is one of the most frustrating experiences for many people in relationships and often a leading cause of distress.
Dr Gary Chapman in 1995 wrote 'The 5 Love Languages' based on his work where he theorized that all of us as people have a specific way in which we feel love and show love. If we understand these ways of showing & receiving love, we may be able to understand why is it that we are having trouble connecting to some people.
This page is inspired by his work and adapted based on our experience in the Indian context.
Dr Gary Chapman in 1995 wrote 'The 5 Love Languages' based on his work where he theorized that all of us as people have a specific way in which we feel love and show love. If we understand these ways of showing & receiving love, we may be able to understand why is it that we are having trouble connecting to some people.
This page is inspired by his work and adapted based on our experience in the Indian context.
The Languages of Love
Words of loveSome of us express our love verbally through compliments such as "You are so smart!" or "You are the kindest person I know!" or more direct statements of love such as "I love you," "You are so adorable to me," or "I really love being with you."
If you are with someone who looks for words of love, you'd ideally really listen to their words attentively, tell them how you feel about them often and clearly, and maybe even give them handwritten notes and cards. Not paying attention to their words or imagining they'll just know you love them will wilt their love for you. Culturally, Indians for generations have tended to play down words of love, though Millenials & Gen-Z folks are not staying with those notions. Tokens of appreciationThis doesn't mean being materialistic as much as it is about giving and receiving thoughtful & personal gifts. Think O Henry's "GIft of the Magi."
If you are with someone who looks for such tokens, you'd be surprising them with things they really like. Telling them to not be materialistic isn't going to cut it. For many Indians, traditions of gifting are largely ceremonial and often prescribed by religious occassions. Doing things for each otherThese are people who really believe that action matters, not words. They expect the little acts of service such as cooking for them, or doing their taxes, or even following up on their medical visits. Words and random gifts won't cut it.
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PDA or sex isn't the only physical contact that is about love. In reality, many people for whom touch is the primary way they experience love, it is the more private hugs, cuddles and kisses that tell them they are loved - not PDA. Touch is seen as very private for many Indians
Physical contactSpending timeSome of us really just need time. We don't need words, tokens or things done for us. We just need to have quality time where we could talk, do some even mundane things together, or just be around each other. 'Us' time is seen as love.
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Social Affirmation
In the Indian context, perhaps one more language of love can be added: Social Affirmation. For many of us, especially where we came into our relationship through social arrangements , we treat relationships as not just as one-on-one, but as famileis bonding with each other. In such times, we see love in the acceptance of one's family as their own as an act of love. We see love where our partner takes care of our family members and friends with as much loyalty and dedication as we ourselves might. Distance from our families makes us despondent. We might ask, "If you love me, how can you not love my family?"
How does knowing your language of love help?
The languages of love is an intuitive understanding of how we look for and express love and affection. This is not necessarily about romantic or sexual love, but can apply for all kinds of relationships. Understanding how we work and looking to understand how someone we are relating with works can help us get a sense of why we are not really connecting.
Most of us have a primary language of love, and a secondary one that we can further develop and strengthen. Once we are aware, we can then try in a more conscious manner to express love the way the other person understands it, and look for expressions of love the way the other person shows it, instead of staying in that frustrating place.
Most of us have a primary language of love, and a secondary one that we can further develop and strengthen. Once we are aware, we can then try in a more conscious manner to express love the way the other person understands it, and look for expressions of love the way the other person shows it, instead of staying in that frustrating place.
When do you seek help?If you find yourself consistently feeling that your partner just doesn't get you, feeling unloved or find yourself not connecting, please call to make an appointment for yourself or for everyone in the relationship.
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