In the perfect world, kids treat each other with kindness, take turns, stand up to bullies and celebrate uniqueness. They also welcome outsiders to join their cliques until they are all one big happy family. Reality paints a different picture: kids fight, argue, make and break friendships, jealousies abound, tears are shed, personalities clash and parents draw battle lines to protect their children. ​As children begin their process of socializing, parents find that they are thrown into a brand new phase of adult socializing as well - a rite-of-passage they must endure! 

So. What can you do as a parent to survive playground politics?
Although there are no perfect answers, here are some guidelines that can help:
1. Think about what your child really needs:

• Consider your child’s age and skills when you decide to intervene or stand back. If it is a group of two-year olds throwing stones at each other, by all means, step in. 
• Pick your battles. Step in only if your child's safety or health is really at risk
• Depending on the age, equip your child with strategies to call out hurtful/harmful behavior.
• Respect your child’s choices. Support their unique efforts at socializing rather than impose your dreams onto your child. 

2. Have a clear perspective on what the playtime is really about:

• Playgrounds are training grounds to learn social skills.
• Expect that there will be hurts, falls, mistakes, lapses of judgment and clashes. Your role is not to protect your child from every hurt, but to keep an eye on bigger things. 
• Don’t limit your child’s social circle to one society/community/group. Open up their world so that they have different arenas to socialize in and conflicts in one group won't bring their world crashing down. 
• Have alternatives to group play. Help your child develop interests that keep her occupied by herself– art, music, an instrument, etc. can give hours of joy to a child. 

3. Be open to receiving feedback. Be careful about giving feedback:

• Most parents don’t take kindly to hearing criticism about their children, however wrong they may be. Avoid taking playground issues to the parent, unless you have a very strong reason to do so. 
• If you need to take a matter up with a child’s parent, consider the long-term repercussions first. Examine how it might affect your child’s future relationships. 
• Be open to hearing comments about your child from others. Be open to examine your own actions.

4. Check in on what's happening at home:

• Model desired behavior at home. Show empathy at home, model ‘fair fighting’ with your partner, demonstrate how to make up after a fight. Model through your own social interactions.
• Offer your child/children a supportive, loving environment at home that bolsters their self-esteem.
• Create openness so your children can approach you if there is anything that’s troubling them

5. Take care of yourself:

• Address your own needs first. Are you internalizing your child’s conflicts and emotions? Are you projecting on them your own insecurities and fears?
• Find your ‘tribe’. Keep your search on for fellow parents who ‘get you’, share similar value systems and parenting styles. Lean on them when you need to.

Remember that your child will undergo some growing pain as he learns the ropes. This can be very hard to watch, but allowing him to experiencing these trials under your caring protection will equip him with lifelong skills.  If you unable to handle a situation or it is getting out of hand, reach out to community resources/ friends/ a counselor for help.

On a good day, parenting looks like a hallmark card, the kids rosy and well fed, smiles and laughter around the table.

On most days, parenting is about dealing with piles of dirty laundry, kids of varying ages vying for attention, getting things stuck up their noses, school boxes to be packed, tears to be wiped, potty to be cleaned and homework to be completed.  ​On the truly bad days, it is a lot of screaming and crying, and people looking disapprovingly and judging on what poor parents we are, and suggesting we should be better at our parenting. 

Is 'Parenting' something to do?
We speak of parenting as an activity to be done perfectly, and all on our own, but as the saying goes, ‘it takes a village to bring up a child.’
Parenting was never meant to be a job for just the one or two people  responsible for bringing a child into the world. It takes the labour of an entire community to bring up a human being. Without this essential support, parents are left emotionally, physically and mentally drained and the children don't necessarily know how to belong in the community.  It was all well and good when people lived in small communities where everyone knew each other and child support was not a special service - everyone pitched in for each other.
In the urban jungle where more and more of us live, and where we don't know who are our neighbours, parenting as a village is something else altogether.

How you can create the village:
With some conscious effort, you don't have to be a stranger in an urban jungle trying to get by. You can make your own village:

• First: Make your well being a priority. At the end of the day, happy parents make happy children make happy families. Eat right, exercise, take time to de-stress, ask for support when you need to. 
• Know that you are not alone!  Keep a sense of community. Babies and children are a great ice-breaker and can help you get to know people even if you never knew them before. Talking to other parents who have been through the same phase as you can be a great source of comfort and guidance. 
• Outsource the tasks that you can. If you can afford it, hire full/part time help for cooking, cleaning, handling household chores, babysitting etc. If you can't afford paid help, look to see if you can barter services  - that way, you get a break and can do other things that you might enjoy. This will ease out some of the strain on you and give you precious minutes/hours of downtime.
• Work with and not against your limitations. Be realistic about what is possible for you – physically, given the age of your children, location, finances, health and resources available. There is no perfect parent and no perfect child. Don't worry about whether you are able to give everything the child wants - the only things children need are basic food, safety and a lot of love.
• No matter how exhausting it is, take time each day to step out of home and connect with other people face to face- parents/mothers/friends/neighbours, and slowly build connections with them that envelop yours and your kids’ lives.
• Join a parenting group online or offline to get emotional support/answers to common parenting situations.  

If you are dealing with chronic sleeplessness, anxiety and depression or something just doesn’t feel right, talk it out - meet with a doctor, counsellor, or both. 

Suggested reading

1. Spiritual Parenting by Gopika Kapoor
2. What Do You Really Want for your Children by Wayne W. Dyer
3. Don’t have a village? How to create one.
4. In the absence of a village, mothers suffer most.
5. When the parenting village doesn’t exist.