It takes a village: Parenting in the urban jungle

On a good day, parenting looks like a hallmark card, the kids rosy and well fed, smiles and laughter around the table.

On most days, parenting is about dealing with piles of dirty laundry, kids of varying ages vying for attention, getting things stuck up their noses, school boxes to be packed, tears to be wiped, potty to be cleaned and homework to be completed.  ​On the truly bad days, it is a lot of screaming and crying, and people looking disapprovingly and judging on what poor parents we are, and suggesting we should be better at our parenting. 

Is 'Parenting' something to do?
We speak of parenting as an activity to be done perfectly, and all on our own, but as the saying goes, ‘it takes a village to bring up a child.’
Parenting was never meant to be a job for just the one or two people  responsible for bringing a child into the world. It takes the labour of an entire community to bring up a human being. Without this essential support, parents are left emotionally, physically and mentally drained and the children don't necessarily know how to belong in the community.  It was all well and good when people lived in small communities where everyone knew each other and child support was not a special service - everyone pitched in for each other.
In the urban jungle where more and more of us live, and where we don't know who are our neighbours, parenting as a village is something else altogether.

How you can create the village:
With some conscious effort, you don't have to be a stranger in an urban jungle trying to get by. You can make your own village:

• First: Make your well being a priority. At the end of the day, happy parents make happy children make happy families. Eat right, exercise, take time to de-stress, ask for support when you need to. 
• Know that you are not alone!  Keep a sense of community. Babies and children are a great ice-breaker and can help you get to know people even if you never knew them before. Talking to other parents who have been through the same phase as you can be a great source of comfort and guidance. 
• Outsource the tasks that you can. If you can afford it, hire full/part time help for cooking, cleaning, handling household chores, babysitting etc. If you can't afford paid help, look to see if you can barter services  - that way, you get a break and can do other things that you might enjoy. This will ease out some of the strain on you and give you precious minutes/hours of downtime.
• Work with and not against your limitations. Be realistic about what is possible for you – physically, given the age of your children, location, finances, health and resources available. There is no perfect parent and no perfect child. Don't worry about whether you are able to give everything the child wants - the only things children need are basic food, safety and a lot of love.
• No matter how exhausting it is, take time each day to step out of home and connect with other people face to face- parents/mothers/friends/neighbours, and slowly build connections with them that envelop yours and your kids’ lives.
• Join a parenting group online or offline to get emotional support/answers to common parenting situations.  

If you are dealing with chronic sleeplessness, anxiety and depression or something just doesn’t feel right, talk it out - meet with a doctor, counsellor, or both. 

Suggested reading

1. Spiritual Parenting by Gopika Kapoor
2. What Do You Really Want for your Children by Wayne W. Dyer
3. Don’t have a village? How to create one.
4. In the absence of a village, mothers suffer most.
5. When the parenting village doesn’t exist.

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