InnerSight
  • Home
  • Counselling Services
    • Individual Counselling
    • Couple Counselling
    • Child & Adolescent Counselling
    • Family Counselling
    • Counselling for Specific Needs
    • QACP & Diversity Counselling
  • EAP/ Corporate Services
    • Training Services
  • InnerSight's Self-Help Pages
    • Counselling FAQs
    • Self-Assessment
  • Contact InnerSight
    • About Us

Cognitions: The InnerSight Blog

When grief strikes

6/8/2020

Comments

 
One of the biggest fears people have is of dying alone. People often enter into relationships with little else as a motivation to be in a relationship other than the idea of not being alone when old, sick and certainly when dying. Of course, there is no guarantee that such company will be there at the time of sickness and death, but the hope of such company is enough for people to take the long leap into relationships even without love and all the other things that one typically looks for, and in any case, as any cynic will tell you, the tragic truth is that in any relationship, chances are that  one of the partners will just not get to enjoy that companionship at death, having to outlive the others. 
The life of the survivor in any relationship, especially one that had much love in it, is something quite different than one expects. Grief is a painful thing to live with. It makes itself felt in a million ways, many of them totally unexpected, and yet, all of them correct and valid at that time. There is no wrong way to grieve.
Love lost to death hits us in unexpected ways and at unexpected times. You might just be driving a car to work, park just as always in your usual spot, and something might just crush you back into that dark abyss of grief as if it were just yesterday that you lost your love to grief. You might be laughing with someone, even flirting, trying to make something happen and you might find yourself back in grief. There is no telling quite how or when grief finds itself back in the moment, back in your reality. 
The idea of "moving on" is not about being done with grief or forgetting about the person lost as much as it is about making space in your life for yourself and maybe some new people in it that can bring you different and wholly new meaning in how you relate and even love. For many, acts of love itself can be a gateway into grief that has been denied, and being in a moment of great tenderness and love can bring forth a geyser of grief where one might find oneself weeping and sobbing for what was lost.
Grief is a theme that many people in relationships visit with their beloved, often as expressed wishes to be the first to go. Sometimes, people even fight over it in that tender way, wanting the right to die before their partner. Yet, in love, one might also find oneself wanting to outlive the beloved, just to spare the pain of the bereavement to their beloved believing oneself to be hardier to that pain.
We may choose to ignore loss and grief, leaving it to the vagaries of fate, or we can choose to engage with it, talking about it with tenderness and affection, even making plans for it. To love fully is to love in death as well.
As written for The New Indian Express
Comments

Festive Holidays: A quick survival guide for those who can't celebrate.

25/10/2015

Comments

 
We in India are entering our peak holiday season - Ganesh pooja and Id are over, Dussehra is just about done, and it will be Deepawali in a few weeks and Christmas soon enough. Much of these holidays are based on religious occasions and come with their own rich and particular cultural flavour and heritage.

For many of us, especially those who have moved far from our home towns and original communities, it is a time to reconnect with our families of origin and extended communities, which explains why for almost all major modern cities like Bangalore, Hyderabad and Chennai, the festive season means a mad rush at the bus and train stations as thousands of us rushing to get to our home towns in time for the celebration. 

All the loud, colourful and festive celebrations are great for those who feel celebratory, but it is an especially difficult time for those who are going through painful losses, have suffered the passing on of a loved one, or have not had such connections. Festive occasions and holidays are especially stressful for those in such circumstances. It can be depressive and a reminder of what one does not have and a source of pain, loneliness and suffering, as much as it is a source of joy to others. 

Which brings us to the conversation: How can one protect oneself in festive times, when the whole world seems to be joyful and we just cannot?

Read More
Comments

    RSS Feed

    InnerSight Bloggers

    Ajanta, Mahesh and other InnerSight counsellors and guest contributors are happy to share their thoughts here.
    Some of these articles have been published elsewhere and are reproduced here with permission.
    ​

    Categories

    All
    Accomodation
    Addiction
    Affair
    Affection
    Alpha Male
    Anger
    Anger Management
    Appraisal
    Arm Candy
    Assertiveness
    #b4stage4
    Bangalore
    Belonging
    Beta Revolution
    BetaRevolution
    Body Positive
    Bollywood
    Boundaries
    Child Counselling
    Children
    Chivalry
    Choice
    Cleanup
    Clutter
    Comfort
    Communication
    Community
    Companionship
    Conflict
    Conflict Management
    Connect
    Consent
    Cool
    Corporate Counselling
    COunselling
    Counselling In Popular Culture
    Couple Counselling
    Couple Goals
    Couples
    Covid
    Crisis
    Cross-cultural Issues
    Death
    Deepavali
    Depression
    #DepressonLet'sTalk
    Desire
    Destination
    Discipline
    Diversity
    Diwali
    Dying
    EAP
    Eating Out
    Fact
    Fairytales
    Families Of Origin
    Family
    Family Counselling
    Fight
    Flying
    Food
    Fortune
    Freedom
    Friendship
    Games
    Games Couples Play
    Gardening
    Gender
    Gender Roles
    Genie
    Gifting
    Gossip
    Grief
    Happy New Year
    Hate
    Health
    Heartbreak
    Heat
    Holidays
    Home
    Homework
    Horoscopes
    Illness
    Incel
    Independence
    India
    InPlainSpeak
    Insecurity
    Intimacy
    Ipad
    Journal
    Journey
    Joy
    Kathua
    Kiss
    Lockdown
    Loneliness
    Love
    Love O Logy
    Love-o-logy
    Machismo
    Marie Kondo
    Marr
    Marriage
    Marriages
    Masculinity
    Meaning
    Media
    Mental Health
    #MeToo
    Mindfulness
    Mobile
    Mother's Day
    Motivation
    Netflix
    No
    Obsession
    Oxygen Masks
    Parenting
    Personal Well Being
    Personal Well-being
    PIP
    Playtime
    Politics
    Prediction
    Privacy
    Rape
    Reactions
    Recharge
    Relationship
    Relationships
    Resilience
    Romance
    Sadness
    Saying No
    School
    Security
    Self Care
    Self-compassion
    Self Esteem
    Self-esteem
    Self-harm
    Self Image
    Self-image
    Self-sabotage
    Self-talk
    Sex
    Sexual Assault
    Sexual Harassment
    Sexuality
    Sickness
    Smart Phones
    Social Media
    Social Norms
    Space
    Streaming
    Stress
    Summer
    Support
    Swiggy
    TARSHI
    Technology
    Teenagers
    Therapy
    Traffic
    Tragedy
    Transparency
    Trauma
    Travel
    Trigger
    Trust
    Truth
    Valentines Day
    Values
    Vulnerability
    Weather
    Weightwatchers
    Whatsapp
    Wish
    Women's Day
    Work
    Work-Life Balance
    WorldMentalHealthDay2017
    Yes
    Zomato

    Archives

    September 2020
    August 2020
    April 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    September 2016
    June 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015

    RSS Feed

Copyright: 2012, InnerSight Counselling & Training Centre LLP.             Phone: +919611405684/ +919980781314  email: [email protected]
  • Home
  • Counselling Services
    • Individual Counselling
    • Couple Counselling
    • Child & Adolescent Counselling
    • Family Counselling
    • Counselling for Specific Needs
    • QACP & Diversity Counselling
  • EAP/ Corporate Services
    • Training Services
  • InnerSight's Self-Help Pages
    • Counselling FAQs
    • Self-Assessment
  • Contact InnerSight
    • About Us