Are You Assertive?

Assertiveness is a skill, and you CAN learn to be assertive

What does being assertive mean to you? Does it mean exercising your rights every time, with every one? Or is it knowing when to let someone else or some other cause or outcome take precedence over your rights? Is the boss who piles work on an employee on a Friday evening being assertive? Or, is it when that employee tells the boss that the work will be done post the weekend?

It isn’t always easy to identify truly assertive behaviour. This is because there is a fine line between assertiveness and aggression.

​Assertiveness is not necessarily easy, but it is a skill that can be learned. Developing your assertiveness starts with a good understanding of who you are and a belief in the value you bring – which is the basis of self-confidence. Assertiveness builds on that self-confidence. 

Developing Your Assertiveness:

​While some people are naturally more assertive than others, even if your disposition tends more towards being either passive or aggressive, you can develop your assertiveness by working on the following

---

Value yourself and your rights

• Recognize that your rights, thoughts, feelings, needs and desires are just as important (not more, not less) as everyone else's
• Identify your needs and wants, and ask for them to be satisfied. Don't wait for someone to recognize what you need (you might wait forever!)
• You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity at all times. Take that for granted.

Trust that everyone can take care of themselves

• You are responsible for yourself, first and foremost. You need to champion your needs and work towards meeting them.
• Just as you are responsible for yourself, others are responsible for themselves, including how they react to your assertive statements.
• Find ways to get your needs met without running roughshod over others' needs in the process.
  
• As long as you are not violating someone else's space, or denying them their rights, then you have the right to say or do what you want. 

Work towards a solution that can be a win-win for everyone

• Recognize, especially at work, that your ideas and suggestions are valuable. That’s what you are going to be rewarded for.
• Sometimes, we give undue importance a person’s race, gender, age or educational qualifications, and forget that our own ideas are valuable. Learn to fight that attitude – go with the clarity that you are valuable for what you bring to the table.
• Express yourself and seek to understand what the other wants and needs
• If there are opposing ideas, suggest an alternative for a win-win solution and try to work it through objectively

Learn to say "No" when you need to. This is the granddaddy of assertiveness!

• Know your limits and what will cause you to feel taken advantage of. You don’t need to be apologetic for needing what you need.

• Accept that you can't do everything or please everyone all the time, and learn to be OK with that.
• Saying ‘No’ respectfully, and even perhaps with some good-natured humour, can even help the other respect you more.
  

Express negative thoughts and feelings in a healthy and positive manner & Receive criticism and compliments with equanimity

• All emotions are valid. If you feel angry, accept that – you just need to watch how you are angry.
• Be OK to make mistakes, to be criticized and to ask for help. Accept feedback positively – if you don't agree, you can always thank them for the feedback and say that you disagree.
• Similarly, accept compliments graciously. If you don’t agree, still thank them for the praise.

Your assertiveness has a direct impact on your self-esteem, and increases your productivity and efficiency. You will truly begin to work towards fulfilling your full potential.

Start today and begin to see how being assertive allows you to work with people to accomplish tasks, solve problems and reach solutions – both at work and at personal relationships.